Making Friends in an Expat Community

Before I start I need to define 3 terms, just so everyone is on the same page.
EXPAT - short for expatriate.  It means a person who lives outside their native country.
THIRD CULTURE KIDS - It refers to persons raised in a culture other than their parents' for a significant part of their early years.
VIRTUAL INTRODUCTIONS - Using any kind of messaging app on the phone, add two people you want to introduce to the same chat room and say, for example, "Brynda, this is Kerri.  Kerri, this is Brynda.  You have stuff in common.  You should be friends.  Go."

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I think that because I wouldn't be working and the kids would be off at school all day, most people worried that I would get lonely or stir crazy in the house, not knowing anyone here.  I am very happy and grateful to say that that could not be further from the truth. 
We've lived here just over 2 months and my list of new friends is longer than I ever thought possible.  The community of expats living in Incheon, and especially Songdo, is so incredible that it sometimes leaves me speechless. 
When we arrived, we knew one family.  It was a family we had met back in March when we came for Eric's last round of interviews.  Unfortunately, they were off on vacation when we moved here in July.  That left us temporarily friendless.  But the third day here, our good friend Calon, currently living in Florida, introduced me virtually to his good friend Kerri, currently living in Incheon.   Kerri instantly became our newest friend and guide to all things in Korea.  She has been so gracious to us and has taught us many life skills and culture lessons.

Kerri and the kids on a boat ride in Songdo Central Park.

Kerri and the kids on the subway to Incheon.

Kerri showing us around Incheon.

Then we went to Lifespring.  It's an international church, with an English service at noon.  Walking in the doors, people were instantly greeting us, smiling at us, introducing themselves, and seemed genuinely interested in who we are, where we are from, and what brought us here. The church is also small enough that we see the same people every week, so this wasn't just a polite greeting with a handshake and some small talk.  This was the kind of greeting that says "we are going to be friends, call me anytime, and you can ask me anything". 

Kerri introduced me virtually to other women she knew, who live in Songdo.  One of them, Jessica, turned out to live close to us and invited me to coffee.  At this point, we were still sleeping on mattresses on the floor and had none of our personal belongings yet.  Having only just met me, Jessica walked me up to her apartment, and started making a box of items for us to borrow until we got our stuff thru customs.  I was so floored that she wanted to just give me a box of forks, knives, cups, measuring spoons, measuring cups, baking tins, and whatever else I thought I might need to get me through the month.  Jessica is an American expat and has lived here 21 years.  This was Day Thirteen for us.

The very next day Jessica invited us back over to gift us some used paperback books and old toys her son didn't want anymore.  I was so grateful that she had more to share.  Our kids were desperate for something to play with. 

Two days later Jessica virtually introduced me to Anna and Maria.  This was our first introduction to Third Culture Kids. Anna is Polish by nationality, raised in Germany, married to an Ethiopian and has raised her kids in Italy and now South Korea.  Maria is Costa Rican, married to a man from Denmark and has also raised her kids in Italy and now South Korea.  This kind of combination of cultures and living in different countries is quite common in the families that we meet here and it makes it hard for them to answer "Where are you from?".  Although Anna and Maria had both just arrived in South Korea, they already looked as if they felt at home here.  They appeared perfectly at ease with their new surroundings.  I imagine Third Culture Kids have an easier time transitioning to a new place.  Most of the families already speak 2-3 languages fluently, which is a huge bonus.  

The next day Eric asked a friend he had made thru work if he would virtually introduce his wife to me.  Next thing I know Janny and I are hanging out with our kids at the Pet Cafe.

Then the Korean spa.

Then the park.

Janny and I are now very good friends, and she has introduced me to many of her friends.   All the women are so nice, and are so eager to help in any way possible.
In a nutshell, I have found a new community to belong to and it is great.  These women are strong, brave, fierce, funny as hell, super smart, loving and warm, over the top generous, totally sincere, genuine, caring, resourceful, thoughtful, respectful, adventurous, and they have all earned my deepest respect.
A question I've been asked by folks back home is, "What do I do all day while the kids are at school and Eric is at work?"  The short answer is that I do life with these ladies.  The long answer can be summarized in a list of different things I've done with one or more of my new expat friends:

• hiking trips to Buddhist temples  (this requires a friend with a car to get there, or a taxi)
• trips to the produce market in Incheon  (this requires a friend with a car)
• grocery shopping
• driving around Incheon looking for used bike shops  (this requires a friend with a car)
• pottery class  (this requires a friend with a car)
• shopping trips to Seoul (Dongdaemun fabric/craft district, Baker's Alley, Insa-dong) 
• going to the movies
• Korean Spa day
• trips to the museums
• trips to Costco, Homeplus, LotteMart (this requires a friend with a car)
• bicycle rides around Songdo
• working out at the gym
• Bible study at my house and prayer groups at church
• volunteering at the school library
• ladies nights out
• lunch out
• meeting for coffee
• swapping our stuff (hand-me-downs are passed in circles around here)
• trips to the mall
• trips to the plant market in Incheon (this requires a friend with a car)
• long walks in the park

Me and Everlidis at the Produce Market in Incheon.

Another pic of the produce market.

Me, Kyla, and Alia out to lunch and wearing classy aprons.

Me, Alison, and Janny at Ladies Night.

Me, Janny, and Ellie at the Heungryunsa temple overlooking Songdo.

Me, Tara, and Everlidis at Pottery class.

Where are all these expat ladies from?  I made a quick list of all the countries that my new friends are from:

• America
• Australia
• Argentina
• Brazil
• Britain
• Canada
• China
• Costa Rica
• Denmark
• Ethiopia
• France
• Germany
• India
• Indonesia
• Ireland
• Kenya
• Korea
• Malawi
• Mexico
• Mongolia
• New Zealand
• Philippines
• Poland
• Puerto Rico
• Romania
• Russia
• Scotland
• South Africa
• Venezuela

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I'm going to go off on a tangent now and discuss Facebook groups. I have never before truly appreciated the value of Facebook groups, and have always thought there should be a better alternative to disseminating information.  I stand corrected.  Living as an expat, in a community of strangers, Facebook groups have become essential.  What has surprised me the most is the sheer variety and quantity of Facebook groups that are out there.  The saying of "there's an app for that", can be revamped into "there's a FB group for that".  With each new person I have met here, they have added me to more and more FB groups that they find useful.  Here's a sampling:

• Clean Air Ideas in Korea
• Songdo Community
• Momtourage
• IFEZ Global Center
• Expat Grocery Gurus
• Songdo Swap
• Korean Festivals
• Every Expat in Korea
• Expat Women in Korea
• Songdo Pokemon Go
• Road Trips
• Pet Sitting Network

Through these FB groups, I have learned about upcoming classes, like the one I'm in now where I'm learning how to make Green Celadon, the traditional pottery of Incheon.  Or events, like a hiking trip to a Buddhist temple, which I did a week ago with 26 other women.  These groups keep us all connected.  If someone finds a hard-to-find grocery item, they post a pic of it in the Grocery Gurus page with the store location and price.  If someone has hand-me-downs they want to pass down, they post it in the Songdo Swap.  If you want to know what house plants to buy to naturally purify the air in your apartment, go to the Clean Air Ideas page.  If you want to know what sights to see when you go to Busan for the weekend, look on Road Trips.  The amount of information there is priceless.  

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Tangent over.

In summary, these women are our support network here.  They will loan your their car, loan you money, drive you where you want to go, take you out to coffee, listen to your stories, all with no expectation that you can reciprocate.  I don't have a car so I couldn't reciprocate regardless, but I help them in other ways.  I pick up produce items for them when I go to the market in Incheon, or I watch their kids while they clean house, or buy them lunch when we're out together.  We're all just friends being friendly, doing what we can to support and encourage each other.